I will now proceed to share with you the best MLIAs I've come across today...

Today, I realized the word bed actually looks like a bed. MLIA

I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see trickortreater—but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc, who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house. MLIA (I AM DOING THIS NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Today I won a million dollars, but I closed out of the pop-up anyway. MLIA

Today, the whole world came crashing down on me, so I got some tape and stuck the map back onto the wall. MLIA

Today, I filled a Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. I then sprayed it into my mouth infront of my mother. She began to panic and scream and get hysterical. I thought it was funny. She didn't. MLIA

Today I was driving by the lake and I saw a Jeep full of guys pass me. They were hanging out the windows and the sunroof, paddling with canoe paddles, and singing "Just Around the Riverbend" from Pocahontas. It easily may have been the coolest thing I've seen, ever. (Questionable lake.)

This morning, I walked into the kitchen to find my Dad drinking his coffee. When he took a big sip, I told him I was pregnant. He spit it out all over the table. I'm his son. MLIA

Today, I drank Kool-Aid. A giant pitcher of juice did not break into my home. MLIA. (Aww.... )

Today I had rice. I'm asian. MLIA

Today, I saw Batman and Spiderman fighting next door to my job at the mall. After a surprisingly intense fight, Spiderman knocked Batman to the ground and won. Batman got up and shouted "I'm telling mom!" before running off. I love my job. MLIA (roflmao)

Today, I saw a dirty 'white' van parked by the sidewalk. Instead of the usual 'Clean me', some one wrote: 'I wish my wife was this dirty!'. Made me chuckle. (: MLIA.

Today I was looking at the back of my orginal Old Spice Body Wash and it stated "If your Grandpa handn't wore it you wouldn't exsist" Thanks Old Spice, Thanks Grandpa. MLIA (I feel like I must worry now.)

Today, my friend and I were at a cross-country race. His registration number was 666. I told him to run like hell. MLIA. (Punny )

Today, I looked up weird laws in New York and found out that the penalty for jumping off a building is death. Thank you for clearing that up New York. MLIA. (NO. FRIGGIN. WAY.)

Today, I was over at a friend's house. As I was entering their room, I noticed there was a marshmallow being thrown at a friend, in mid air. From the other room, I jumped forward, caught the marshmallow in my mouth, saved my friend, sat down and enjoyed it. My friends were in awe. I have never felt like such a ninja before. MLIA

Today I realized that according to mylifeisaverage the average person loves Harry Potter but hates twilight, uses facebook instead of myspace, loves google but hates yahoo, puts silly answers for tests and gets full credit for it, listens rock and not rap, wears dinosaur clothing instead of the boring jeans with a t-shirt and waits for their Hogwarts letter sent by their owl not for a 108 year old sparkly pale virgin vampire. Glad to see the average person is on the right path. MLIA (MLIA America is better than America.)

Today, I walked around my store with cornmeal on my thumb and greeted every employee I work with by running my thumb across their forehead and whispering "Simba." Everybody laughed, but my favorite part was when someone yelled "RAFIKI, COME TO THE OFFICE!" MLIA. (LAWL)

Today, I stole an orange cone from a construction site. A few hours later I drove by and saw a sign in the very spot I had taken the cone from that said, "Dear Mr.Cone, please come back, we all miss you and need you badly". I'm happy to know the people fixing my streets have such a great sense of humor. (That's a great cause for paying taxes.)

Today, a telemarketer called trying to sell me a new phone plan. I politely declined, telling him that I don't own any phones. He thanked me for my time and then hung up. I wonder if he's figured it out yet. MLIA

Today, my phone rang. The caller ID said it was from McNerny's Windows and Cabinets. Fed up with all the telemarketing calls I've been getting lately, I answered, "McNerny's Windows and Cabinets, how may I help you?" The salesperson hesitated, stuttered in confusion, then hung up. I win. MLIA (That's the way to do it. )

Today, while taking a biology test my teacher started to laugh to her self saying "those silly ninjas". I'm still confused. MLIA (I want that teacher.)

Today, I was a handed back a paper I wrote. In one of my paragraphs I had used the phrase "It was a dark, wet place" to describe the setting of the story. My teacher had drawn an arrow and written in my margin "That's what she said!" with a smiley next to it. That was the only note he made for my whole paper. I went up in the middle of class to give him a high-five. He grinned at me knowingly and made the single high-five into a huge, complicated handshake. The rest of the class just stared at us like we were insane. They just don't understand us. We now do our handshake every single day when I come in. MLIA (I want that teacher too )

Today I was at my friends house and we had nothing to do, so out of sheer boredom I suggested that we find the phonebook and call random McDoanlds and Burger Kings and ask "Hello? Is this the Krusty Krab?". Finally after calling about 20 or so times we finally got the response of "No! This is Patrick!" This made my day. MLIA (WIN!)

So apparently last night I went sleepwalking. Ive had a history of doing that. But usually it's just wandering around the house. This time i woke up to a huge stockpile of M&Ms, giant hershey bars, and chocolate rocks. I didnt even know we owned those. I had gone around my house collecting every chocolate item i could find. In my sleep. Sleeping self, you are awesome. MLIA. (I really wish I could sleepwalk.)

Today, I was walking through Walmart with my boyfriend looking for a frying pan. He was really bored and talking on his cell phone while I hefted a few pans to see which ones I liked. A very sketchy sort of man came shuffling up, pushing his cart. When he got to me, he stopped, looked between my boyfriend and me for a few seconds, then leaned a bit closer and stage whispered, "If you want to kill him, you'll need a bigger pan." He then continued on his way as if nothing had happened. My boyfriend couldn't understand why I couldn't stop laughing. MLIA

Today, in Biology 12 we were learning about how fat gets into your arteries and how to prevent it. My bio teacher said "Well if you sit on the couch and eat Lays potato chips all the time then you will. But i'm not saying that lays aren't bad in moderation. Every now and again I like a good lay." The entire class burst out laughing. What a dirty mind my generation has. MLIA (That would happen in my classes )

Today, I was talking to my friend, and she used the expression "When hell freezes over!" I kindly pointed out that there is a place in Michigan called Hell, and it freezes over once in a while. She was silent. MLIA. (I learned something new today!!)

Today my little brother went up to my grandma and asked "Why don't you have a boyfriend, most grandmas do.?" My grandma replied "My TV is my boyfriend" Then, the TV turned to fuzz and she proceeded to hit it. The doorbell rang and she had my brother answer it, it was the preacher asking to speak to her. My brother said "She can't, she is too busy bangin' her boyfriend in the bedroom." MLIA

Today I put all my orange tictacs into a pill bottle so people would quit asking me for one. I then proceeded to stand in front of my Chemistry teacher and ask for my test grade. When he said 98, I replied, "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" and chugged twenty tic tacs straight. The look on his face was definitely worth explaining to the counselor that i did not have issues. MLIA (I SHOULD TOTALLY DO THIS ONE DAY.)

A few mornings ago, I found out I'm a sleepwalker, so my older brother and I set up a few video cameras around the house. Watching the tapes from last night, I find myself taking the decks of cards from the kitchen, and building an elaborate castle of cards on the floor, cleaning them all up after I'm done pretending to be Harry Potter for a few hours. I professionally re-enacted various scenes from the book. I'm thinking about selling this tape online. MLIA. (I wish I sleepwalked.)

Today, I went to Pizza Hut with my mum. When the guy asked for my name I said Batman. The whole time while he was making the pizza he hummed the na na part of the old Batman theme song. Then about 10 minutes later when the pizza was ready him and 3 of the other staff members yelled out "BATMAN!" Needless to say Pizza Hut is my new favorite place ever! MLIA

Yesterday, I was walking down the hallway at my school after the final bell rang. I decided that I would shout out something completely random to see what would happen. So, I yelled, to nobody in particular, "HEY YOU, WITH THE THONG!" Almost all of the girls in the hallway turned around. MLIA

Today, I was on a band trip and was rooming with my friends in the hotel. There was two beds for four guys so I had to sleep with one of my friends. We got in the bed and slept. The morning after, we somehow managed to switch sides. I don't know how it happened, but I felt my privacy was invaded somehow. MLIA

Today in the car I passed by a stop sign. Someone had painted the words "don't" and "believin" on the sign so it now read "Don't STOP Believin". I smiled. MLIA

Today, I went on a trip to the zoo. Two guinea pigs were mating. One little girl next to me who looked to be about seven, asked, "Mommy? Is that how you and daddy do it?" MLIA.

Today as I was driving back from work, an old man's car hit a deer and I was helping him move it off the road. Afterwords I went to a convenience store covered in the deer blood and said that my girlfriend needed a tampon... the clerk was mortified. MLIA

Today, I had a test in Spanish. One question was "que esto es?" which meant "what is this?" I decided to put a joke answer because my grade was good in that class. I put "esto....es....SPARTA!!!!" After class, my teacher high-fived me and bought me lunch. MLIA (I'm so doing this in Spanish one day )

Today, I learned that my teacher, Mr. Stoner, used to live in Weed, California. MLIA.

Today, I discovered my footie pajamas are 'flame resistant'. I now feel rather invincible. MLIA

Today, during health class, someone asked if it was possible to "have fun with a pregnant girl". My teacher looked at him and said, very seriously, "Well, you can take her out for ice cream". MLIA. {}

Today, after a field trip to my local pizzaria/arcade, I proudly rode back to school with a plastic ninja sword. While sitting in my classroom later that day, a jockingly hit a friend in the forehead with my sword, only to find my teacher point at me, and motion for me to come out to the hall. I did, thinking I was in trouble. I was ambushed by my teacher with a sword of his own, and we proceeded to duel in the hallway. I won. MLIA. {}

Waiting for my dad in a Hallmark store i started reading the cards. After reading some lame ones i opened one that said on the outside, "Hope you get everything you want for your birthday." Opening it was a naked, and buff man, whose crotch was covered by a sign, saying, " Except what's belongs to me." Curious to see what the company had bothered to print under the sign i peeked. It was censored, and said, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER HERE? Your mother would be ashamed." Sorry Hallmark. MLIA {I totally love Hallmark now }



Well now you know how I've spent MLIA day.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU JUST WASTED A WHOLE FIFTEEN MINUTES YOU COULD HAVE SPENT DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!


Signing off~

MLIA